I generally like to post only one blog a week but I felt that I needed to post this particular blog today. This post is directed towards one person in particular, unfortunately she will probably never read it, so I hope that you can gather something out of it for yourself.
I just finished reading your blog today and to confess I've actually been reading your blog for the last several weeks. We used to be really good friends, actually unbeknownst to you, I had a crush on you all throughout Jr. High. We certainly no longer have the report we used to share due to time and direction but I hear how you are doing from others and from the quick moments we share in church once in a blue moon.
After reading your blog today I want to tell you that I'm worried about you. You certainly are NOT happy. I wonder though. Is this unhappiness genuine, fake, or something deeper. I apologize for my honesty but I think it's a bit of all three.
I believe that you are genuinely unhappy. I think that you are at times dealt a bad hand and that no matter what you bet, you keep losing. For this unhappiness, I am genuinely sorry. I wish I could help you in some way to make your situations better and more beneficial but I have no control over that, neither do you. For this sort of unhappiness I say, roll with it. According to your blog it seems as though you are doing all that Heavenly Father asks and that's about as much as you can do. Have patience and faith, and eventually you'll pull through.
I also believe that your unhappiness is somewhat fabricated. You always have been one for the dramatics. We were in a play together, remember that? I know that you are one who likes attention no matter who it was from. I remember having to always lift you up with encouraging words when quite frankly I felt like you fishing for compliments. You are constantly posting sappy comments on Facebook about how things aren't getting better and your blog posts are dripping with overdeveloped sorrow. Immediately following these blurts of emotion are always "encouraging" comments by loved ones. Since your happiness has not improved, I'm thinking that these blurts are not being effective nor are their words of encouragement. I would encourage you to stop that. We've all been unhappy. For goodness sake, I've been unhappy and you know what? I've made it through. I put a smile on, spend time with people I love, and I certainly (no matter how hard it is) do my best to forget the past and how its hurt me. Please try doing the same.
Finally I realize that no matter what we do, we are unhappy. Situations, dramatics, and life in general just give us rotten eggs, and just putting a smile on our faces doesn't help. I realize this. It took me years to fully grasp this concept, but I now get it. I want to give you some final advice. I think you have depression. Get help. Medication, I know would help you. I've seen it work with family and friends and even though it requires a substance for them to maintain happiness, at least they are now living their lives. I talked about you a lot behind your back with friends who know you but don't know the story. I no longer do that because I realize that your unhappiness is something deeper. Please, do something about it.
I know we don't talk often but I love you and care about you. Happiness is a choice, PLEASE make the choice to get over your broken relationship (it's been 3 months), get over how you are unable to make someone smile (we all aren't comediens), get over how your new job is the hardest thing in the world (the first two days of a job are the hardest for everyone) and PLEASE post happy things. I promise you, it will make you happier!
Your Friend who cares enough to be honest with you,
Jason Steinmann
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